Waiting for A trip to Colorado

Finally, feel settled into the new home. Bought a house at the end of Jan of this year and well it is just weird.

First day of 2010

Almost forgot to write in this blog today. Today didn't feel like a fresh start it felt like one more day in a continuous line of the same. I was moody, irritable, and angry with how I'd let a week of time off from work escape me because of the lack of response from the bank. Yes, the bank they dropped the ball and couldn't make the close happen this week, hence the anger and irritability. Instead of being completely unproductive I finished packing up my room & bathroom. Tomorrow I will finish packing up the kitchen and then that will be it.

Countdown to 2010... starting a new chapter

Having a quiet evening in on New Year's Eve packing up a chapter of my life. The apartment is slowly being packed up and a new chapter of life will begin in January 2010. I will continue with my promise from last year to...

• not let work overwhelm me
• not put off things I have been wanting to try or do
• write more

My resolutions for this year and rolling forward are...

• write in this blog every week
• get into a regular exercise routine
• submit writings no less than 3X
• write in my journal everyday
• train & complete a 10K
• conversational French

Good luck to me on sticking to my resolutions and my new chapter of life. Woo Hoo!

The last few weeks have been reflective as I struggled to control that which I've felt has controlled my life and existences. That which has split me into two people and shattered my psyche. Learning to accept help and not feel shame for needing to ask for help controlling or maintaining composure and focus. Help keeping myself from shattering or falling apart again.

I have faced the darkness that envelopes and often consoles me. The sadness that consumes and suffocates me. I have lost myself in the pain that eats so deep into my soul and mind that it robs me of speech leaving me physically twisted, howling like a primal wounded animal and afraid.

Who knew it would happen so fast...?

I just put the bind in today... this morning and by 8pm EST I had an answer and an excepted offer. How the heck did this move so quickly when the last one floundered and faltered. It is true about timing and something not being meant to be. Feeling a little ill and panicked but just gotta get through the day, week, month, year.... LOL. Wow you really never know what a new year will bring , even at the end of the year.

Sniffly and quarantined

Working from home for two days due to the sniffles, a cough and a sore throat has me feeling a little stir-crazy. My mind has been racing a little about how to get more of the things I've wanted to do into my daily, weekly, or monthly routine. I've started to draw again. Draw badly that is... ugh my talent is stagnant and suffocated. I only hope it hasn't died and that I can still recusitate my asphyxiated creativity. Lost is not a constant state of existence that agrees with my normal disposition. So I must find a semi-fluid state that better agrees with a personal evolution. Drawing, writing, blogging, producing... that is what I need to do I need to produce. No I need to create.... yes, I need to create! CREATE!!!! The need to birth something amazing is almost painful. From pain can come beauty.... reach into the personal pain of your freak out and recycle it into a unique biographical collage of fractured captivating personal art.

Stepping Backwards in time

Today was so surreal and bizarre.  A friend from college found me and called me at work... it seems he works for the same enormous company.  Whooooa it was so wild I was in shock as we spoke.  Then I hear from other folks I'd not spoken to in awhile and I realize I've been neglectful of my personal correspondence.  Now I wonder am I prograstinating and ignoring my work to create more havock in my life.  STOP IT!!!!

Do your work yells the left, do it dammit.  Nah, says my right.... chatting insanely with whoever will listen to distract themselves and avoid the 'to do's'.  Now I'm a little scared. 

Do not worry you will resolve this and get all the emails you need to get out done tomorrow.  I will format each of the Test Summaries like I did for the summaries.  Just stay calm.